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This post is always on top + FAQ

Just a few points for those unfamiliar with my journal.

This is a place where I write whatever I feel like whenever I feel like it. It usually expresses my opinions (shocking, I know!). You are always free to not read it.

You are always welcome to disagree with any of the content, just like I am free to disagree with any comment you make.

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Basically, this is my journal, I do as I please, and if you mess with me, I will not be impressed.

I am also a lot whiter and fluffier than I may appear from this post, so please don't be scared away.


Looked at some Tarot today...

... and got 'Tower'.


You've entered quite a difficult period, but do not despair. All you need to do is destroy your old foundations and change your worldview. Everything changes, so your view of the world should also change, even by destroying the old, if you've outlived it and it's no longer needed.

A more detailed interpretation, adapted from here (emphasis mine):

The Tower signifies darkness and destruction on a physical scale, as opposed to a spiritual scale. The Tower itself represents ambitions built on false premises. The lightning bolt breaks down existing forms in order to make room for new ones. It represents a sudden, momentary glimpse of truth, a flash of inspiration that breaks down structures of ignorance and false reasoning. Notice the lightning bolt is oriented left to right (from the perspective of the card), from heaven to earth, and from Spirit to material. The falling figures correspond to the chained prisoners in the Devil card. They fall headfirst, because the sudden influx of spiritual consciousness represented by the lightning flash completely upsets all our old notions about the relations between subconsciousness and self-consciousness.

How many times have you sat safely within the narrow confines of your life, comfortable in your current thoughts, beliefs and expectations? Then, out of the blue, something ‘shocking’ happens that completely destroys your picture of peace and harmony. It blows your mind or throws you for a loop. There is a sudden realisation that your comfort was based on an inadequate foundation of false thought, belief and action. This is a humbling, frightening but necessary experience. You may be experiencing sleepless nights, depression, grief, anger and confrontation. These are normal reactions to major changes in your outer and inner worlds.

A Tower experience is any experience that shakes the foundation of your current sense of security and/or forces you to question your strongly-held beliefs, perceptions, attitudes and behaviours. It may be a divorce, death of a loved one, financial failure, health problems or job loss, or any event that penetrates to the core of your inner being, affecting you spiritually, mentally and physically. It is often descriptive of a major upheaval, disruption, emergency or crisis, and is likely to bring chaos in the aftermath of such an event.

If the Tower appears in your reading, ask yourself, “What structures in my life are breaking up?” No doubt you will already be very aware of where there is turmoil and destruction but sometimes it can be on a more subtle or subconscious level.

The most important aspect of the Tower is that with any destruction there comes creation. Thus, the Tower card represents an awakening and is about inspiration, freedom, reality and the release from bondage. It is a truth and honesty card that comes as a bolt of lightning to you through a shocking and impactful life event. It represents a necessary experience that forces you to get out of your comfort zone and to grow beyond your present level. The sudden destruction of the Tower represents the immediacy of change, and the often disorienting effects of that change. Once you hit rock bottom the choice is yours. You can revert to the self-defeating, restrictive Devil, or reach for the transformational and inspirational Star. When you begin to reach for the Star, you will come to realise that your true security and strength lies within yourself and your relationship with the Universe, and not in some false belief system or artificially-created world. Following a Tower experience, you can rest assured that you will grow stronger, wiser and more serene as you begin to develop a completely new perspective on life that you did not even know existed. These moments in time are necessary for spiritual growth and enlightenment. Truth and honesty will bring about a positive change, even if you must experience pain and anxiety throughout the process.

The Tower also represents the inner and outer structures that you have built. These structures represent your personal defences, defences that create a more socially acceptable ‘you’ by hiding your true, inner thoughts and feelings. It is like laughing politely when your boss tells a joke, or, on a deeper level, disguising your sexual feelings, particularly if you feel that they are socially inappropriate. In times of great pressure and stress, these structures will be tested and are at risk of shattering, finally revealing your true inner self to those around you. So, you need to be very careful how much of yourself you attempt to hide, knowing that one day, all will be revealed.

The Tower therefore asks you to break down the structures that you have surrounded yourself with. This can be a painful and difficult process if you resist against the external forces that are pushing you to reveal more of yourself. Breaking through this pretence can cause a great deal of anguish but remember that the Tower will fall, whether you like it or not, because you have reached your limits in this area and can no longer live with it.

This hit home

If you are a monster, stand up.
If you are a monster, a trickster, a fiend,
If you’ve built a steam-powered wishing machine
If you have a secret, a dark past, a scheme,
If you kidnap maidens or dabble in dreams
Come stand by me.

If you have been broken, stand up.
If you have been broken, abandoned, alone
If you have been starving, a creature of bone
If you live in a tower, a dungeon, a throne
If you weep for wanting, to be held, to be known,
Come stand by me.

If you are a savage, stand up.
If you are a witch, a dark queen, a black knight,
If you are a mummer, a pixie, a sprite,
If you are a pirate, a tomcat, a wright,
If you swear by the moon and you fight the hard fight,
Come stand by me.

If you are a devil, stand up.
If you are a villain, a madman, a beast,
If you are a strowler, a prowler, a priest,
If you are a dragon come sit at our feast,
For we all have stripes, and we all have horns,
We all have scales, tails, manes, claws and thorns
And here in the dark is where new worlds are born.
Come stand by me.

A Monstrous Manifesto, by Catherynne M. Valente

Learning to hit the target

'Master,' a disciple once asked, 'why are there difficulties that hinder us from achieving the goal, deflect us away from the chosen path, trying to make us admit our weakness?'

'What you call difficulties,' said the Master, 'is actually a part of your goal. Stop fighting them. Just think about them, and take them into account when you choose your path. Imagine that you shoot from a bow. The target is far away, and you cannot see it as a thick fog has covered the ground. Do you fight this fog? No, you wait for the wind to blow and disperse the fog. Now the target is visible, but the wind deflects the flight of your arrows. Did you fight this wind? No, you just determine its direction and make adjustments to the angle of your bow. Your bow is heavy and tough, and you do not have the strength to bend it. Do you fight your bow? No, you train your muscles, bending your bow harder every time.'

'But there are people who shoot from lightweight, flexible bows in clear, calm weather,' the disciple complained. 'Why is it than only my arrows encounter so many obstacles in their path? Is the Universe resisting my progress?'

'Do not look at others,' the Master smiled. 'Everyone has their own bow, their own target and their own time for the shot. Some aim to make an exact hit, others aim for the opportunity to learn to shoot.'

The Master lowered his voice and leaned to the disciple:
'And I want to tell you a terrible secret, my boy. Fog does not cover the ground in order to prevent your shot, the wind does not blow in order to divert your arrow, the bow has not been created heavy and touch just to make you aware of your weakness. All that exists by itself. It is you who decided that you can hit the target under these conditions. Therefore, either stop complaining about the difficulties and begin to shoot, or silence your pride and pick an easier target. One that you can hit at close range.'

Translated by me, original here.

Why I read random blogs

"In fact, if I had to pick just one thing 2013 made abundantly clear for me, it was that the one thing the world can be relied on to do is not end. The universe does not care that your dreams have been crushed, that you’re depressed, or that some catastrophic event has exploded your little world. People go to work, bills come due, the sun rises and sets, and so on and so forth. And eventually, no matter how much your circumstances make you feel like you’re in suspended animation, you realize that if the world keeps moving, you have to as well, even if you have to figure things out as you go."


A thought

If you were given one hundred million pounds, what would you do with it?

Stop and think about it. I think in a way your answer to this question can reveal what makes you truly unhappy (which are things you'll be trying to eliminate with the money) and what makes you truly happy (which are the things you'll be trying to obtain or increase).

Make a nice long list of things you would do.

Now look at it carefully. Can you do any of those things without the millions? What about those things makes you happy - supporting your family, new experience, comfort, excitement? Perhaps it's time to go after those things without waiting for the money to miraculously appear in your bank account.

Native American horoscope

Apparently, I'm a raven, symbol of mystery, magic, intelligence and hidden knowledge.

22.09-22.10 Ворон

Кто Вы по гороскопу северо-американских индейцев? via Настра LJ
Интересное: Первое сентября


They hail you as their morning star
Because you are the way you are.
If you return the sentiment,
They'll try to make you different;
And once they have you, safe and sound,
They want to change you all around.
Your moods and ways they put a curse on;
They'd make of you another person.
They cannot let you go your gait;
They influence and educate.
They'd alter all that they admired.
They make me sick, they make me tired.

--Dorothy Parker

It's drawing-time!

Just thought I'd share some drawings I've been working on in the last few days... It feels good to be drawing again!

Two more!Collapse )